An article from a member of staff with experience of being in care
I am really passionate about what I do because I was in care myself for 10 years and I really want to make a difference to other young people. I was 8 years old when I went into care and I remember being told that it would only be for 3 weeks. My mum and dad were separated and I didn’t get to see much of my dad. I don’t really remember anyone explaining why I couldn’t live at home anymore. For the first year or so I got to live with my sister but then she moved away. I remember feeling very lonely because my mum, dad and sister lived very far away. I also felt bad that my mum and dad felt lonely on their own.
Telling my friends
I didn’t feel like I could tell any of my friends because I went to a catholic school and everyone’s parents were still together. I felt that all their families were like something out of the movies and mine was even more dramatic than episode of Eastenders! I have since learnt that everyone has issues and no one has a ‘perfect’ family. Eventually when I was 16 I went the other way and started to tell everyone about my family background. It was all out in the open and it was a weight off my shoulders. What I realised was that if they were my friends they would accept me for who I am. I did feel that people were talking about me before but as soon as I was honest it stopped people from taking about me and after a short while it was yesterday’s news.
School and university
Before I went into care I was in the special needs group at school because my attendance was really bad. When I went into care I had to do a lot of catching up and within 2 years I ended up improving a lot. When I was 18 I was fortunate enough to go to university.
I remember thinking that if I moved away all my problems would disappear but that didn’t happen. I still hadn’t dealt with everything that happened and I ended up partying far too hard and getting very depressed. I failed my first year and that was a turning point for me. It really taught me a lesson because I realised that the only person I was letting down was myself and that I was the only person that could make things better in my life. So even though I had failed I hadn’t really because I learnt a valuable lesson and started knuckling down. Don’t get me wrong it didn’t all happen overnight and it wasn’t always easy but when I managed to get my degree in Irish history, literature and politics I was proud of what I had achieved.
Moving into my own flat
When I left university I was entitled to my own flat because I was in care. This was exciting but scary. I had lots going on in my personal life and it turned out living in the flat wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be. I was actually quite lonely and found it difficult to get a job. My Young Person’s Advisor had stopped working with me and it was quite a shock.
Turning point
I started volunteering for a place called Supporting others Through Volunteer Action (SOVA). This was the best thing I ever did. I mentored young people that had also been in care, helped teach life skills to care leavers, supported 4 local youth centres and I was an appropriate adult for the youth offending team, which meant I supported young people at police interviews when they had no one else. My confidence really increased and getting into a routine really helped me. Within a year SOVA took me on as a Project Manager so that I was managing my own project in Enfield. After 15 months I then gained promotion so that I was managing a bigger project. I felt really proud of myself because I was really young and doing very well for myself. I was even prouder that I had achieved that all under difficult circumstances. After that I had a series of other jobs and have worked my way up the ladder.
Growing up I knew that I had two paths I could take and that I had a choice to make. I choose the right path and am now a very determined person. If I fail that makes me try harder. I now have pretty much everything I ever wanted and I think part of that is because of the work that I do and the fact that I give something back to others.
My advice to you
“If I was you I would try not to see being in care as something negative. I would try and see the positives that have come out of it.”
“Remember it’s not your fault”
“It’s important not to keep things bottled up. It’s better to talk to people and tell them how you are feeling”
“Always have a goal to work towards because that will give you hope that things will get better and make you more determined.”
(I am dedicating this article to my friends and family who have supported me along the way. With a big thanks to my sister who always believed in me and showed me patience and kindness)